Pigeon Hole

ive been hiding in this
pigeon hole for days
and all the times i try to get out
you just shove me back in again

tried to push the fear out
but its just pinned me down
and the words are begging to be said
but i just never feel brave enough

and i try so hard but for what
another day stuck in this box
please dont let me cave now
cos its the longest ive stood

without falling over.
dont let me fall now.

Stray Cats

To make up for my lack of blogging here is a long poem i wrote today on the plane.

Without realisation or expectation
we carved out each others names
through our own flesh
and when i asked you what this was called
you said it was not love, but just a way to pass the time
and we held each other in the
full knowing that tomorrow would
be more painful than today and that
escape is indeed fleeting as
a shooting star.
But for as long as that moment exists
in the sky it is beautiful.
Beautiful.
That word you called me.
Generally reserved for people
belonging to one another.
But i do not belong to you and
neither do you belong to me because
we found each other like stray cats
searching for food to fill the empty spaces in our chests.
And we will never belong to each other-
it is simply inconceivable.
This truth almost brings me to tears but
i could never cry over it like spilt milk.
Most days i can't decide how to feel
about it so i just push you to the back of
my mind sort of like the way you
stash your junk under your bed when you
don't want to be reminded of how
messy your life really is.

Sometimes the sincerity in your eyes
makes me forget how i'm lying to myself
and then i wish i could be content with
this half life.
And i don't want to be weak
but i don't want to be strong either
and balance was never really my thing.
So who knows
who fucking knows
whose names we really carved and
how long they will last.
The candles burning fast and we
used the last match so is this time
i need you to decide.

Hello love im finally awake

Evasive- you've become
at the once when i almost
felt like i belonged

this vicious cycle is
wearing me down to my brittle bones
dissapearing acts and empty messages
left on the telephone

i'd tear the sky apart
i'd break these city lights
and send them off in shards
just so you could think
you were seeing shooting stars

Reason

I guess the fascination died

It's all sleep and pretty

dreams dont contain dissapointment
but here in reality
the weariness falls out of envelopes
that hang from cielings which revolve
and fall and im so dizzy
from following your photograph around
all day you're never going to stop
for me

so i guess what im trying to say is id rather be alone.

Everything is kept secret

Spoken in riddles and rhymes
what unorthodox times
and i hate that its all so hidden
leaving me to assume the worst

i always assume the worst
why has it come to this?

you're driving me crazy already

this is why i dont let them in
cos they just stick to my brain
drawing sketches of the future
just high hopes
just castles in the air

To Date

Easter- egg hunts and taking photos with Pheobe was amazing
Currawong- dancing in fields with Circle Of Life Crew was amazing
Today- playing songs with Yutaro was amazing
Tonight- sleepout at Emily's is amazing
Wednesday- Art Gallery will be amazing
Friday- My gig will be amazing
And for the first time im not even being sarcastic

im that happy

there are way better things

All your breaking of my heart
it doesn't work anymore
you keep trying to throw me away
but im not yours anymore
i thought id be hurt and torn apart right now
but shocked as i am
my eyes wont cry

Quick Note

invisibleness is worse than rejection

Wolf Girl

I bet you didn't know i had it in me
Well. Neither did i.

no more real

The actors forget to
take off their masks
and the world forgets
to care



BE DIFFERENT
BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
DRESS TO IMPRESS
OR DONT EVEN DRESS AT ALL

Nothing is Sacred Anymore

the young are misunderstood, we are
misrepresented so we never suprise them
we just keep to our old ways but what if
what if we replaced
disguise for the truth

what if we never knew
what a needle could do?






while you block out the world
with your ductape you best friend
cries herself to sleep

I don't know

beginning to curl up into myself
and shut you all out
every voice becomes a distant cry
and i tend to dissapear
when i cant deal


oh id like to dissapear
id like to

nothing more

darling you're not a pretty doll
you're just a mannequin

Happy Blog

I realised that most of my blogs are written when i am upset or angry over something. i really think i should change this because it makes me look like some crazed moody depressed person... which i am not.

This will be my happy blog because right now i am very happy. Today i spent the day with my sister which was fun since we havent hung out in a long time. then i went to church and saw helen and we hung out after church which was really good =) and now im hyperactive because i had some coffee. but im feeeling good. the best ive felt in ages :D not quite sure why but hey im not complaining.

The Party

If i was to throw a party i would invite you. i dont know you but i know i would invite you.

and you would bring some food and an awesome presant even though you dont know me, but you would.

and we'd dance to the cd you bought me that was my favourite even though you didnt know it was my favourite, but it was.

and you'd tread on my feet but i wouldnt mind, and you knew that even though i never told you.

and i gave you butterflys but you never told me, i just knew it.

you told me the sweetest thing but i never heard you say it, i just knew it had been said.

and we both felt the same, but we never mentioned feelings. we just knew it was right.

i dont know you and yet you are my closest friend.

i have never met you and yet i know everything about you.

you never said a word but i know your darkest secrets.




meet me at the party.

guess im finding out

im more fragile than i thought

Division

Hostility escapes me

Pervasive thoughts linger

Anger is the colour of my veins

Anger is the colour of my open wounds

Home Sweet Home

Im back from my vacation in Mexico. Yesterday was good- i got to see my best friend again =)
I feel a little unerved right now because no matter how much people told me things haven't changed, they have. It kind of feels like being woken up from a coma and everyone has changed while you remain the same. It makes me uneasy. I thought i knew exactly what to expect. I thought it would be like i never left. Why does everything feel so foreign?