Hola Amigos

so the last post i wrote was 6 months ago and it was about the things i had endured in 2009. i thought maybe this post i should talk about the things that have happened in 2010 so far. i think this is the best time of my life, i really do.

2010 to date:

- i moved once more (thats 3 times in one year! ick) but im happy where im living right now in Petersham with my cute little garden and lovely house mates.

- i enrolled in diploma of communications and media at tafe

- i realised that i actually do want to go to university (epiphany!)

- i broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year

- i finally become independant and learnt how to be ok being on my own

- i gained and am continuing to gain more friends

- i entered a singer/songwriter competition for the first time and made it to the finals!


its only August so hopefully there is still a lot more to come and i feel that next year is going to be even more explosive! the main thing is that im happy and healthy and i feel on track. im really excited for the future, i feel like my life has just begun and there are so many opportunities ahead of me. anyway thats all for now, just thought id update you (whoever you are) on my life so far.

sorry for the absence

i have been living life



2009 saw me:

- go overseas
- finish school
- move house twice
- move out on my own
- get a new job
- get a boyfriend
- lose friends
- gain new ones

and a few other things i wont mention.
it was the most crammed year of my life, with the most highs and the most lows.
i can only say its been a huge learning experience and im still finding out more things about me and dealing with life.
i dont know what this year holds for me but i can only guess it will be just as big, if not bigger than last.
i will try to update this blog more, i guess i felt like what was the point? nobody really reads it anyway?
but maybe one person, one incredibly special person needs to hear what ive got to say.
so ill try to stay true.
x

Pigeon Hole

ive been hiding in this
pigeon hole for days
and all the times i try to get out
you just shove me back in again

tried to push the fear out
but its just pinned me down
and the words are begging to be said
but i just never feel brave enough

and i try so hard but for what
another day stuck in this box
please dont let me cave now
cos its the longest ive stood

without falling over.
dont let me fall now.

Stray Cats

To make up for my lack of blogging here is a long poem i wrote today on the plane.

Without realisation or expectation
we carved out each others names
through our own flesh
and when i asked you what this was called
you said it was not love, but just a way to pass the time
and we held each other in the
full knowing that tomorrow would
be more painful than today and that
escape is indeed fleeting as
a shooting star.
But for as long as that moment exists
in the sky it is beautiful.
Beautiful.
That word you called me.
Generally reserved for people
belonging to one another.
But i do not belong to you and
neither do you belong to me because
we found each other like stray cats
searching for food to fill the empty spaces in our chests.
And we will never belong to each other-
it is simply inconceivable.
This truth almost brings me to tears but
i could never cry over it like spilt milk.
Most days i can't decide how to feel
about it so i just push you to the back of
my mind sort of like the way you
stash your junk under your bed when you
don't want to be reminded of how
messy your life really is.

Sometimes the sincerity in your eyes
makes me forget how i'm lying to myself
and then i wish i could be content with
this half life.
And i don't want to be weak
but i don't want to be strong either
and balance was never really my thing.
So who knows
who fucking knows
whose names we really carved and
how long they will last.
The candles burning fast and we
used the last match so is this time
i need you to decide.

Hello love im finally awake

Evasive- you've become
at the once when i almost
felt like i belonged

this vicious cycle is
wearing me down to my brittle bones
dissapearing acts and empty messages
left on the telephone

i'd tear the sky apart
i'd break these city lights
and send them off in shards
just so you could think
you were seeing shooting stars

Reason

I guess the fascination died

It's all sleep and pretty

dreams dont contain dissapointment
but here in reality
the weariness falls out of envelopes
that hang from cielings which revolve
and fall and im so dizzy
from following your photograph around
all day you're never going to stop
for me

so i guess what im trying to say is id rather be alone.

Everything is kept secret

Spoken in riddles and rhymes
what unorthodox times
and i hate that its all so hidden
leaving me to assume the worst

i always assume the worst
why has it come to this?

you're driving me crazy already

this is why i dont let them in
cos they just stick to my brain
drawing sketches of the future
just high hopes
just castles in the air

To Date

Easter- egg hunts and taking photos with Pheobe was amazing
Currawong- dancing in fields with Circle Of Life Crew was amazing
Today- playing songs with Yutaro was amazing
Tonight- sleepout at Emily's is amazing
Wednesday- Art Gallery will be amazing
Friday- My gig will be amazing
And for the first time im not even being sarcastic

im that happy

there are way better things

All your breaking of my heart
it doesn't work anymore
you keep trying to throw me away
but im not yours anymore
i thought id be hurt and torn apart right now
but shocked as i am
my eyes wont cry

Quick Note

invisibleness is worse than rejection